It’s probably a survival of the fittest evolution thing. Judging other people. You size them up … are they stronger, fatter, slower, more attractive, funnier. They look stranger on the treadmill. Oh and you know why he drives that car wink wink. Are her shirt too slutty, jeans too tight? And who does she think she is? …
But really it is just something left over from our prehistoric lizard brain deciding if we need to eat or are going to be eaten by that girl on the treadmill. Or is that guy who is obviously over compensating for something with his ride potentially an apt candidate with whom to replicate myself and protect me from predators. Is her behavior likely to draw attention to me putting me at risk of being carried of by a prehistoric bird and fed to prehistoric baby birds for dinner.
Lizard brain reactions are quick and do not factor in the complex set of variables that the fully evolved brain has to sort through before making a decision. The lizard brain considers only how does the world and other living things in it affect ME. I imagine a crocodile hardly ever wonders if the gazelle drinking from the river has just had to the worst day of its entire life and has finally found a nice spot to catch his breath and reflect on the day before he lunges from the water, drags it under and pulls it apart limb by limb and devours it.
Sadly we as humans often don’t either.
But that is what makes us different from crocodiles. We have humanity — the quality or state of being kind to other people or animals. We are humane. Right?
You will judge me based on your assessment of the last decade of my life without having lived inside of that life or having walked in those shoes. You will praise or scorn the way I move my life forward based on your idea of how I should or shouldn’t do things. You will project your timelines and standards and expectations.
Know it was not a decision that was made without years of careful thought, consideration and exploration that we both actively participated in. … A LOT of hard work as individuals and as a couple. That yes was mostly conducted very privately.
Neither Jay or I cease to exist because we aren’t Jay and Lindsey. We will both go on to find happiness in this life. This decision was in fact made so that we could do just that. The only timeline or expectations we are beholden to is our own.
I was crushed by the weight of a label that over time ceased to properly name my relationship, the collective unmet expectation of that label, and my inability to meet Jay’s expectations … The pressure of the projected expectation of friends and family who toasted the assignment of that label. And the need to respect and honor the more than decade long life between us, which created two beautiful children.
Judge. Because you will. But maybe take a breath and let the lizard reaction pass before you render your verdict. I won’t be dragged underwater, pulled apart limb by limb and devoured.